Where the hell am I? :: stuff - watches - c-OMEX Marina Militare

So I sold my eBay no-brand Marina Militare...and then a couple of months later kinda missed it. So, I went out to eBay again and found these c-OMEX branded versions, basically the exact same watch with an additional name on the dial. They were selling pretty cheap, and the sellers feedback was a tad dodgy, but I went for it anyway. 

And then a lot of time passed...and nothing showed up...and the seller's feedback on eBay got worse...and nothing showed up...so finally at the 44 day mark I filed a claim with Paypal. A week later I had an email from the seller stating that the watch was on its way and if I would kindly cancel my complaint after it arrived. Sure enough, it did arrive. Actually, two of them did! Both on the bracelet (as pictured), but, only one of them worked. On one, I can pull the crown out, and nothing happens, no hacking, no time setting, nada.  I resized one and found that the bracelet did not fit my wrist very well, it was (and is) either a tad too snug or to loose. And, to make matters worse, I cannot, for the life of me, get the screws out to be able to put the watch on the nifty carbon fiber strap I bought for it. Which sucks because I am afraid that if I keep trying, I am going to strip out the screw heads, which will do me no good. I am tempted do take my Dremel tool and a cutting bit and just hack the son-of-a-bitch off. But it has not come to that, yet...